The Still of the Night Causes a Storm in the Mind

So the summer is here again (almost). It’s been a busy couple of months. My last post was about Crash for Cash getting popular and boy has it ever gotten popular. In 2 months the game has been played 2 million times. Furthermore my estimates for daily profits were accurate. The first week that advertising kicked in I started kicking myself for not adding it sooner. Beyond getting played 2 million times, Crash for Cash also took the #1 spot in the racing category for about 3-4 days in April. The day it occurred was truly magical. My wife and I were in San Francisco on her Spring Break vacation. During the day we visited Alcatraz, walked from Fisherman’s Wharf to Crissy Beach, checked out the Exploratorium, and then finally walked the entire length of the Golden Gate Bridge to and fro. After crossing the Golden Gate Bridge on the way back was the first time I noticed Crash for Cash in the #1 spot. That was a good day!

Of course Crash for Cash isn’t the only cool thing going on. I also completed the new book iPhone 3D Game Programming All in One, which is currently being printed. This great new 400 page book is published by Cengage and should hit your local Barnes and Noble sometime during the first week of July. In the book I show new iPhone developers how to create a casual flight simulator for the iPhone using Unity. A pre-release version of the game accidentally went out onto the App Store (I forgot to pull it once I uploaded it for book screen shots, that Apple wouldn’t give me permission to use anyway). Long story short though the game actually pushed the book into Amazon’s Top 100 Game Development, 3D, and Apple books in various countries (US included). I ended up leaving the rough cut of the game up for a while since it was promoting sales. I now have a slightly more user friendly version coming out to coincide with the release of the book. A big goal of mine is not to change the game much from what the book covers. Originally, I was looking for 1 : 1 parity but I’ve since decided that a few more play tests and minor minor tweaks aren’t a crime so long as I stay within the realm of the book’s lessons any user should be able to replicate my minor tweaks in a few minutes. In due time I would like to release a fully polished product using the engine from this book. The flight model is really pretty cool and allows for loops and barrel rolls using a fairly accurate and sophisticated method of force and friction applications to the body of the aircraft. It’s not a dead ringer for X-Plane but it’s pretty close in my opinion.

Still in other news I began working at L3 Communications doing some serious games work in February. The work I’m doing there has been very fulfilling. I work with a fantastic team of individuals who love this stuff as much as I do (and GASP … I didn’t have to move to the West coast to find them, although one of them is from San Francisco). Through this job I’ve gotten to attend some really great conferences I might otherwise not have gone to and I’ve gotten to polish my skills even further all while working on projects that have a real world impact (something that I often find hollow in the traditional games industry). At some point I hope I can share more about my work in serious games but for now I’m just happy for the opportunity to apply my skills and communicate with a slew of talented people in this new (to me) arena.

There will be some more game information soon. I haven’t actually released a new game for the iPhone since last year. The funny thing is that by focusing on marketing I’ve been able to increase income from the App Store tremendously without releasing anything new. I plan to reinvest all that I’ve earned through the App Store although it may not be in the traditional sense. Keep reading to find out how all of this will grow (hopefully) into part of a larger plan

This past week the remnants of my family (my sister and I) got together to watch The Boondock Saints 2. After the movie she criticized it rather harshly which spawned a conversation about what makes a good piece of entertainment.  My sister and I are both writing books.  The difference being that I’m writing a tech book on iPhone development and she’s writing a fiction novel.  Inevitably we talk about each other’s projects.

On this particular night she tells me that she’s scrapping the 46 pages of single spaced 10 point font she’s written thus far.  Her reasoning is that she wants to differentiate herself from other female writers.  The specifics of her decision revolve around shifting the focus of the story from relationships to losing one’s mind.

A large part of the conversation involved a debate about the relevance of Twilight which shared some aspects with her original story.  Being the older brother I am I had to point out the fact that Twilight has been hugely successful as have love/relationship stories throughout time.  I also pointed out the fact that there haven’t been too many successful stories about the erosion of one’s mind (though A Beautiful Mind was fantastic).  The end result of the conversation was that I shook my sister’s confidence and at Thanksgiving dinner the next night she reminded me several times.

As a creative person I’ve learned throughout the years that you largely need to ignore other people in your pursuit of that perfect piece of work. The honest truth is that the only person who knows your vision is you. What you create for other’s to see may only be a crude representation of what you actually envision.  If that’s the case then it’s simply a matter of improving your skills to match your vision.  No matter what it’s important to remember that.

Many creative individuals are also insecure which is why most entertainment industries are run by opportunistic moguls instead of the creatives that actually power our culture’s best works of art.  If you’re creative, forget the insecurity.  This is what I told my sister.  I explained to her that it doesn’t matter what anyone, not even me sees in her creation. She’s the only one who knows what her creative spark is capable of.

At the end of the day this is the point of creativity.  It’s the challenge to get what’s on the inside to make sense as it comes out.  There are many ways to communicate these creative thoughts and sometimes other people can help you clarify what you’re trying to communicate but they’ll never be the source of what you’re trying to communicate.

A week or so ago I wrote about The Human Compiler which is an important component of game development.  As a game designer you need to watch other people’s reactions to your creation closely to see if you’re communicating properly with the player.  This is different than relying on someone else to communicate your creative vision for you.  As I stated earlier, you need to grow your skills to match your creative vision and this is no different.  It takes a certain type of skill to siphon out the difference between someone else’s creative vision infringing on your own and an error in the communication of your creative vision.

So there you have it, isolate your creative spark.  You are the only one who knows what’s on the inside and it’s your job to find the best way to showcase it on the outside.  Don’t bow to anyone in this process but don’t get hurt if people don’t “get it” either. People aren’t mind readers, they’re creators, which means it’s your job to communicate not others’ to magically comprehend your inner most thoughts.

In 1997 I came up with a game concept. That concept was a fun and simple 2D building demolition game where players would plant charges and try to level a cityscape. I developed this concept about a year after learning some BASIC programming on my TI-85 calculator and before I entered college. At the time it’s safe to say I didn’t really have the skills to do the concept justice.

Fast forward to 2006. I sit down at my computer one evening and I finally prototype this concept now calling it Debris. I develop a working sim with blocks, bombs, and a caution tape line. The premise is simple, plant the bombs in such a way that upon detonation all the blocks fit below the caution tape line.

I work on this prototype for a few months (mainly tweaking the physics) and eventually show the concept to a company who’d published my earlier work. They write me back and tell me they don’t see any promise in this concept. They tell me they can’t suggest even a single bit of advice in order to make the concept more fun for them.

Their feedback of course stood in stark contrast with my vision as well as the feedback I’d received from several other people who I’d actually gotten to show the game in person. As with anything communication is key when unleashing a brand new game concept. I’m sure something was lost without myself involved to fill in the blanks as someone played this game for the first time. Such is the potential fate of any unfinished prototype.

In October 2007 I attempted once again to show off this concept.  This time at the Indie Games Con. Again, it’s turned down for publication by this company that had worked so closely with me in the past.  To add insult to injury, I’m told by someone I’d once considered a mentor that it “sucked”.  I went home dejected and dropped the development of Debris to work on Full Contact Debate another idea I’d had banging around my brain for years.

Of course there was one redeeming event which took place at IGC that year. The morning after I was told the game sucked I walked in an there was a group of 6 other developers standing around a computer laughing. As I walked up I realized they were playing Debris and they’d just realized you could take the helicopter out if you planted the bombs correctly. In the PC/Mac version of Debris the helicopter would go spastic and bounce around the screen taking everything out in its path. As they left a few of the guys told me it was a great game concept. Seeing their reaction to the title renewed my belief that eventually this would be a hit game.

Now we move on to October 2008. At this point I’d long given up the idea of pitching ideas to publishers with lesser vision than myself. Throughout the years I’d pitched concepts to a plethora of publishers and I was always disappointed with the results. Finally though, the iPhone and the App Store had arrived and there would no longer be a difference of creative opinions to stop the publication of any title. I jumped onto the iPhone development wagon as quickly as possible and I knew exactly what my first title would be.

Debris appeared on the App Store by December 5th 2008 and to my knowledge was the first 2D casual building demolition game created. When I originally developed the prototype I searched for other controlled demolition games and the only thing I found was an obscure PS2 game released in Europe but it was a more serious 3D simulation instead of a casual physics game. My prediction circa 2006 was that the most popular casual games were going to be physics based as opposed to the match-3 titles that dominated the early-mid part of the decade. Looking at the iPhone market today I was absolutely correct and I’m proud to say that I not only made an accurate prediction but I took part in the market with a handful of causal physics sims which I developed.

Now it’s the end of 2009 and it’s been the roughest year of my life. It hasn’t all been bad but it has been a roller coaster. As most people who read this blog know, I lost my dear mother to suicide on March 23rd. I have been depressed since then although certain events have been overwhelmingly positive this year, the loss of my mother casts a shadow over those events. To further add to my pain this year a title called Implode! landed on the App Store about a week ago and since then has risen up the charts into the top 5 best selling iPhone games. Implode! is Debris, it’s a casual 2D controlled demolition game and it arrived almost exactly 1 year after Debris on the iPhone.

Considering that I developed this concept sooo long ago I’m heart broken that I wasn’t the one to fully capitalize on the concept. When I developed it in 2006 I knew it had the potential to rise straight to the top. Unfortunately, being first isn’t always best and in fact some people would say it’s detrimental. This is one of those cases.

I rushed Debris out on the iPhone trying to take advantage of the devices unique abilities such as pinch/zoom, swipe momentum, and the accelerometer tilt. Unfortunately, using these special capabilities of the iPhone was ultimately a distraction from the core experience. Implode! for the iPhone is actually much closer to what Debris was originally for the PC/Mac. Plant bombs, detonate, and try to get the blocks below a line. The version of Debris I ended up putting out for the iPhone wasn’t received particularly well because the core was watered down in an attempt to make it iPhone-centric. Granted, some components of Debris are great fun but overall I let the core suffer in favor of design diversions such as tilt, zoom, and killing aliens with the blocks.

Still, I’m not jaded or angry (OK, just a little). Debris was after all the title that allowed me to develop my own concepts as my sole source of income. Without Debris I wouldn’t be where I am today. Furthermore, there’s no law against sequels and while Debris may not ultimately get recognized as the title that brought the casual controlled demolition genre into the limelight perhaps its sequel can utilize the success Implode! is currently enjoying to be an even bigger success.

Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving!

10 years ago yesterday I was a college student enrolled in a computer science program.  I spent most of my time programming games on my TI-85 calculator during class but still managed to take something away from the experience.  I was also a gamer and September 9th, 1999 was a big day.  Anticipation grew throughout the day as I waited for classes to end.  The afternoon and evening couldn’t fly by quick enough. The moment I was waiting for was midnight, when I could finally wrap my arms around my very own Dreamcast at the local EB.

Finally, the night was getting long in the tooth.  At around 10PM a friend and I headed out to Lynnhaven Mall stopping at Wendy’s for some late night spicy chicken sandwiches (a favorite during the college years). Then we finally landed in line for the hotly anticipated Dreamcast.  The line was long but people were stoked.  Everyone and their brother wanted to support Sega after the dismal failure of the Saturn.  There was a hint of nostalgia in the air.  Older gamers didn’t want Sony to put Sega out of commission even if they liked the Playstation.  Thus, the calvary lined up at the stroke of midnight to put Sega back on the map.

The line was exciting initially but it was nothing in comparison to the first time they pulled out a working Dreamcast running Soul Calibur for everyone to try.  The next thing you knew there was a line embedded within the first line as people tried their hand at this new game with the most amazing graphics ever witnessed on a home console.  Remarkably, Soul Calibur played as good as it looked.

The crew at EB was extremely cool and efficient that night.  Dreamcast systems, games and accessories had all been bundled up according to customer pre-orders prior to the big launch.  As such we really didn’t have to wait too long.  After finally getting our systems we returned to my place and continued playing all our new games into the wee hours of the morning.  It’s hard to believe it was a decade ago!

Last night I had to do it, I had to pull the Dreamcast and co out of their bin and hook it up alongside my 360 and PS3.  Much to my surprise Soul Calibur has held up really well.  It’s still graphically impressive and the control and collision is super tight.  I never understood why Sega gave up. In my idealists eyes the Dreamcast could be a competitor today.  After reading the Gamasutra article with interviews of all the major executives involved I think the demise of the Dreamcast was pretty fishy.  But what’s done is done.  At least we got to enjoy the system for a while.

Of course I can’t just recap that launch night without explaining how it had some profound effect on me. Back then I was a college student who had programmed a few games on his calculator.  Now it’s a decade later and I’ve become the game developer I had dreamed of.  The largest effect that night had on me was a new found love for midnight launches and the excitement involved.  The studio title Midnight Status is a direct result of that launch night (which as far as I can remember was the first midnight video game launch I took part in).  Midnight Status is the excitement people feel for their entertainment.  It’s what happens when people wait in line in the middle of the night with strangers who share a passion.  It’s what runs through your mind when you didn’t pre-order an XBox and you’re running from store to store in the middle of the night trying to find a location with a short enough line to guarantee you a system.  Midnight Status came from a seed that was planted in my mind 10 years ago when the Dreamcast arrived.  It seems the name was quite suitable now doesn’t it?

Well, summer’s over and it is time to go back to work full time.  This year has been a wild roller coaster of ups and downs.  It kicked off with me having just turned 30 and finally getting to become a full time game developer thanks to the iPhone.  This was just about my biggest dream come true … finally after years and years of work.  Not all has been well though, during the month of March I lost my dear mother who I loved very much.  Losing a parent has been, up to this point, one of if not my biggest nightmares.  As such the year suddenly seemed to come right back to neutral if not go completely negative for me.  In the months after that though friends and family gathered around me to help me through the toughest thing I’ve ever faced in my life and they helped me stay on track.  Also, my wife and I got a new golden retriever puppy named Maeby which didn’t hurt (so long as she wasn’t peeing inside).

Not coincidentally, the puppy was our 1st year anniversary gift to each other.  Again, things were looking somewhat positive … even if a bit of depression was lingering from my mother’s passing.  Of course what goes up must come down as I found out that a friend of mine lost his wife.  Again, I felt that negativity.  Life is short and sometimes it’s very painful for you and those around you.  It’s all we can do sometimes just to hold each other up.

Of course that was the beginning of the summer and I knew that better things (like the beach) were just on the horizon.  Since my mother passed I haven’t done too much work.  I hit a deadline for the book I’m writing, created Disco Pool, and also put out a little game called Kube Killer.  All in all it was really nice to live off the work I had done earlier in the year with Skyline Blade which has been my most successful game.  As I’ve written before, it’s not a crazy amount of money but it does pay the rent and when you don’t have to worry about that it helps … a lot.  I got to do a lot of swimming, sunning, and puppy watching which has been therapeutic.  I can now swim a kilometer (~0.6 of a mile) which is pretty cool considering that a month ago I could barely swim 50 meters or 1 lap in an Olympic size swimming pool.

Anyway, now that September’s here I’m back to work and I’m thinking ambitious again.  Over the summer I put something secret together but realized it was too ambitious.  I then proceeded to put that project on hold for a short while longer to pursue another project.  As it turns out I don’t do simple.  It just doesn’t happen, at least not well.  My new project which started out simple has now become a mini-epic.  It’s still not as ambitious as my secret project so that’s good but it’s going to take longer than the few weeks I had hoped to invest.

This brings me to what’s really been on my mind lately.  Is it wise to really invest myself in a game again? In 2002 and 2003 I created 2 large games which took about a year each to complete.  Aerial Antics is the game I’m probably still most well known for although my iPhone games have sold many more copies.  Ever since Aerial Antics flopped I cannot will myself to develop something with a lot of care.  That’s not to say I haven’t worked hard.  I have worked hard this past year and I really pushed myself on Full Contact Debate as well but I haven’t committed myself to a project like I did with Aerial Antics.  At least it doesn’t feel that way.  It’s very hard to fully commit yourself when every time you do your project flops.  Then it gets to the point where you start going for the quick and easy project instead of something you’re truly proud of.

I feel like I’m making myself sound really lazy here.  Anyone who knows me also knows this isn’t true.  The point is though, if you push yourself will anyone really notice or care?  Well, I think they well.  The iPhone games I’ve developed actually seem to sell in direct proportion to how much time and money I invested in them and of course money is really just tangible condensed time.  In the end I suppose I’m answering my own question.  If you make it they will come and they will notice that you worked your ass off.  However, if you waiver even for a split second people will identify the chinks in your armor.  Don’t waiver, be obsessive, create something you think is perfect and even if someone thinks they’ve found a weakness you’ll be able to deflect them because you’ll know in your own heart that you did absolutely all you can.

So here I am after years of time, a better coder, a better artist, with better tools ready to commit myself to a truly ambitious (yet not overly so like FCD) project once again.  Wish me luck!

Although I don’t consider myself to be particularly successful (I’m probably behind the curve considering how much time I’ve spent developing games). I do have a few techniques which I’ve learned along the way that I think aid in the quest for success in game development.

1 - If you’re having trouble with motivation tackle a technical problem.  The creative aspects of game development are great but usually the great creative sparks come when you least expect them.  I don’t believe you can control the creative juices per se, only nurture them.  What you can control though are technical hang-ups.  Next time you’re stuck trying to come up with a game concept engage in a technical activity you hadn’t previously conquered and you’ll find yourself in awe of the creative possibilities your knew found technical knowledge provides.

2 - Always think in terms of IP, just scope it right.  Massive IP’s like Star Wars are fantastic.  The idea of creating an imaginary universe that generates a cult-like following is the creator’s dream.  The only problem with big IP’s is that they are often too ambitious to complete correctly. Every now and then someone like George Lucas comes along and does it but situations like his are the exception.  Still, any concept you come up with can contain cross platform/medium functionality.  For instance I’m working on an iPhone game/concept which I can sell, create an article about, and include in a book I’m writing.  In this sense I’m still creating and leveraging an intellectual property just not on the epic scale we all usually think of as it relates to IP.

3 - Don’t ever give up and don’t listen to anyone or anything but your gut instinct.  I’ve been through it all.  People in high school told me I wasn’t intelligent enough to develop games, game reviewers have thrashed my work as have publishers, mentors, and friends … heck even my own mother told me I wasn’t good enough at math to make them.  I couldn’t care less what anyone ever said because I knew in my gut that I was going to do this no matter what anyone ever said.  Shigeru Miyamoto himself could tell me to hang it up and I would do nothing short of consider him an amateur with no vision and continue on my merry way.  No one, and I mean NO ONE can tell you it’s impossible to succeed except yourself.

Disco Pool is live on the App Store! This was the last game my mother played and I hope that people like it.

Here’s an early YouTube video:

My last post titled “The Craft” was written the day before what to this point has been the worst day of my life. On March 23rd 2009 my worst nightmare came true. My mother who I loved so dearly took her own life.

I grew up in a house where talk of suicide was commonplace. Before I was born my mother attempted suicide but my father intervened. Over 30 years ago based on gut instinct my father returned from work after only 2 hours because he thought something was wrong. He found my mother lying on the floor sick having taken a bottle of pills.

Not too long after this initial catastrophic event my mother became pregnant with me. She lived the last 30 years for me as well as my sister ( 22 years old ) and she was the best mother anyone could ask for. The day she passed I thought about calling her but instead called my sister because my mother was always so adamant that we stay in touch. My sister was in the grocery store so I told her I’d call her back in 20 minutes once she’d returned home and unpacked. Just minutes after I hung up the phone I received the call from my mother’s husband. The next time my sister and I spoke we were only able to cry.

This past year I was married to the girl of my dreams and my mother was so proud. I keep a picture of us at the wedding on my desk to remind myself that she was proud of me. Having known her and her feelings about life for so long I suppose I shouldn’t be entirely surprised. In fact she stated I should not be in her final note to me. Truthfully, I am surprised. I am an eternal optimist and I thought her talk of suicide was her way of venting. Thoughts of suicide cross my mind from time to time but my solution is to sleep it off and come back refreshed and optimistic again and again. When I think about it, it’s no more than beating myself up and turning my own aggression inward for motivation.

My mother was hugely ambitious, especially for a 100 lb. woman. She was intelligent, healthy, and she was actually really great at spreading joy to those around her. At the funeral countless people told me stories of the enthusiasm and optimism she had passed on to them and they weren’t compensating as few knew her actual cause of death. My mother was a sponge who would soak up your negative energy and give you back positive energy in return. All my life she did this for me when I was feeling down. She also taught me how to convert negative energy into positive energy. Those who know me well no longer have to wonder where my tenacity and eternal optimism stem from. Constantly fighting the suicidal tendencies of your most beloved person forces you to learn those traits.

As for her ambition, well I received that as well. It turns out that too much ambition isn’t good. If you can never live up to your dreams it will only destroy you. Or perhaps living up to all your dreams is what destroys you? At this point I’m at somewhat of a loss. People say that you die when you no longer want anything from life. Having listened to my mother talk about her dreams for my whole life I can say that she actually lived many of them. I’ll never know whether her ambition actually had anything to do with her choice.

When something like this happens it hurts, you get angry, you feel guilty, you feel helpless, and hopefully you eventually reach peace with God and get some closure. For me it’s been a roller coaster which goes around and round. Initially I buried any anger I had and went right to sadness, crying so much that muscles I didn’t know were in my face were sore. Afterward, I mostly felt guilty for not being around enough. Over the last 2 years I’ve been really busy attempting to build a new life. I’ve been working, spending time with my wife, socializing with friends, and working some more. By the end of the first week all the people that came into town each had given me a piece of my mother’s story I had not known. This led to a feeling of closure and peace with God and my mother’s choice. Then, after 3 weeks once all the guests were gone anger was unleashed. I kicked some doors, threw a rug, broke a piece of furniture and then cried again. Finally, confusion and depression began setting in. The first week was incredibly spiritual. People helped, God helped, and I swear I felt my mother’s presence several times. There were numerous signs but after 3-4 weeks you begin to go back to normal and all that remains is depression and confusion. I must constantly remind myself of the spiritual feelings of the first week to help myself get through the days.

The week prior to this terrible event I apologized profusely to my mother for being a robot. I had my head down in my work so much that I literally began feeling like a computer. I actually asked her to come by during the day and pull me out of it. She did in fact do just that on the Thursday prior to her death. We had a great day! It was one of those days where you run errands with your mom and you feel like you’re 5 years old again. It was such a good feeling to get out in the sunshine and spend time driving around with her. We had a really funny conversation about the door locks in cars and how they should create an invention which wouldn’t let you pull your door handle too early thus intervening with the unlocking mechanism. We had stupidly philosophical talks about even the most mundane things but we both agreed that we loved it. When she dropped me off she gave me $10 for the Chic-fil-a I had bought for us. I wanted to buy her lunch but she wouldn’t have it. She handed the money to me through the car window and we said goodbye and that we loved each other. She was always being a mom and watching out for me. That day was no different, except that it was the last time I would ever see her here on Earth.

There is so much I could write about my mother … and I will in due time. For now I just want people to remember that life is so precious and you may not have all the time you would like. Please don’t take people or time for granted. I was lucky to tell my mother how much I loved her and appreciated her and I also feel so lucky that I was able to apologize for not being around as much as I’d like. The time between my apology though and her choice to leave was too close for comfort. Don’t let a day go by without letting your loved ones know how important they are, you really never know when that privilege might be revoked.