End of the Summer …
Well, summer’s over and it is time to go back to work full time. This year has been a wild roller coaster of ups and downs. It kicked off with me having just turned 30 and finally getting to become a full time game developer thanks to the iPhone. This was just about my biggest dream come true … finally after years and years of work. Not all has been well though, during the month of March I lost my dear mother who I loved very much. Losing a parent has been, up to this point, one of if not my biggest nightmares. As such the year suddenly seemed to come right back to neutral if not go completely negative for me. In the months after that though friends and family gathered around me to help me through the toughest thing I’ve ever faced in my life and they helped me stay on track. Also, my wife and I got a new golden retriever puppy named Maeby which didn’t hurt (so long as she wasn’t peeing inside).
Not coincidentally, the puppy was our 1st year anniversary gift to each other. Again, things were looking somewhat positive … even if a bit of depression was lingering from my mother’s passing. Of course what goes up must come down as I found out that a friend of mine lost his wife. Again, I felt that negativity. Life is short and sometimes it’s very painful for you and those around you. It’s all we can do sometimes just to hold each other up.
Of course that was the beginning of the summer and I knew that better things (like the beach) were just on the horizon. Since my mother passed I haven’t done too much work. I hit a deadline for the book I’m writing, created Disco Pool, and also put out a little game called Kube Killer. All in all it was really nice to live off the work I had done earlier in the year with Skyline Blade which has been my most successful game. As I’ve written before, it’s not a crazy amount of money but it does pay the rent and when you don’t have to worry about that it helps … a lot. I got to do a lot of swimming, sunning, and puppy watching which has been therapeutic. I can now swim a kilometer (~0.6 of a mile) which is pretty cool considering that a month ago I could barely swim 50 meters or 1 lap in an Olympic size swimming pool.
Anyway, now that September’s here I’m back to work and I’m thinking ambitious again. Over the summer I put something secret together but realized it was too ambitious. I then proceeded to put that project on hold for a short while longer to pursue another project. As it turns out I don’t do simple. It just doesn’t happen, at least not well. My new project which started out simple has now become a mini-epic. It’s still not as ambitious as my secret project so that’s good but it’s going to take longer than the few weeks I had hoped to invest.
This brings me to what’s really been on my mind lately. Is it wise to really invest myself in a game again? In 2002 and 2003 I created 2 large games which took about a year each to complete. Aerial Antics is the game I’m probably still most well known for although my iPhone games have sold many more copies. Ever since Aerial Antics flopped I cannot will myself to develop something with a lot of care. That’s not to say I haven’t worked hard. I have worked hard this past year and I really pushed myself on Full Contact Debate as well but I haven’t committed myself to a project like I did with Aerial Antics. At least it doesn’t feel that way. It’s very hard to fully commit yourself when every time you do your project flops. Then it gets to the point where you start going for the quick and easy project instead of something you’re truly proud of.
I feel like I’m making myself sound really lazy here. Anyone who knows me also knows this isn’t true. The point is though, if you push yourself will anyone really notice or care? Well, I think they well. The iPhone games I’ve developed actually seem to sell in direct proportion to how much time and money I invested in them and of course money is really just tangible condensed time. In the end I suppose I’m answering my own question. If you make it they will come and they will notice that you worked your ass off. However, if you waiver even for a split second people will identify the chinks in your armor. Don’t waiver, be obsessive, create something you think is perfect and even if someone thinks they’ve found a weakness you’ll be able to deflect them because you’ll know in your own heart that you did absolutely all you can.
So here I am after years of time, a better coder, a better artist, with better tools ready to commit myself to a truly ambitious (yet not overly so like FCD) project once again. Wish me luck!